The following is a report from a spy in the village of 001 Bima, the spy's position in the village ranks is withheld due to secrecy.
Military Strategist: Lord Elwyn, the Pheonix Legions are at our gates, what are your orders?
ElwynTenways: Defend the village, kill all those who dare trespass on our lands!
MS: Yes my liege.
*1 second later*
MS: Lord Elwyn, I'm afraid that uh...well, we lost. Every soldier is dead, save those outside the village. Our wall has been completely demolished, as is our barracks.
ET: Rebuild, we shall not give up.
MS: Yes my liege, shall we summon the militia? Reports indicate that Silverpheonix intends to attack again.
ET: Militia? What are you talking about?
MS: ...right.
*some time later*
Officer Donald: Right lads! I know we only have one axeman and one scout, but we can win this thing! We might be outnumbered a thousand to one, but I feel that we can do th-
*boulders from catapults pulverize the rally point, leading to the swift death of Officer Donald*
OD: OH GOD MY LEGS, MY LEGS ARE GONE.
*Officer Donald quickly bleeds out*
OD: Why...why..WHY AM I NOT DYING? OH GOD IT HURTS SO MUCH
*A horde of Silver Legion axemen finally dispatch Officer Donald, who somehow defied the narrators orders. They haul off a load of iron and leave*
ET: Why did we not kill them????
MS: Well...this is the 7th time they attacked, we've no barracks, no wall, no stables, our farm is burning merrily. I propose we pack up what we have and leave while we can. What are yo- AHHGGGGHHH!
ET: Anyone else have this shit idea about leaving?
*silence*
ET: Good, we rebuild.
*the unspoken question of "why would you even consider that at this point?" flies unspoken around the room*
Paladin: M'lady Elwyn, my men and I are here to help defend the vill-ACK!
*enemy axemen walk into the village as there is no wall and eradicate the paltry support*
ET: I'm going to go have a couple drinks and cry myself to sleep.
*late the next day
ET: Ok! We've only lost a thousand points, let's get rebuilding.
*stunned disbelief*
No comments:
Post a Comment