Welcome to March. May we all survive it.
This being a Friday and most you being tired of gaming-related news given the excess of it recently, I thought I would mix things up a bit and instead do what I’d like to think of as a Public Service Announcement to the internet. We can call it required reading, for anyone with an opinion.
Let me first start off by saying the following:
I have never, in all my years on the internet, experienced a scenario in which a person has expressed their opinion, had it called out, and then responded with a realisation that they were incorrect, an acceptance of the other person’s claims and a hearty apology for the misunderstanding.
A working example of such:
Orange: “The PS3 is shit.”
Pineapple: “The PS3 has Blu-Ray so it can’t be shit.”
Orange: “Okay you’re right. It’s awesome. Thanks for helping me to understand.”
Without a hint of sarcasm to be seen anywhere for miles.
Nobody has a sudden realisation of that nature, online.
It’s okay to have an opinion, just like it’s okay to be called out on your opinion. Whether it’s incorrect or not, it is your opinion and you are entitled to it. However when you attempt to shove it down the throats of others, what you are doing is essentially bad manners and you need to stop.
This happens a lot in gaming communities and of late, has been rearing its ugly head as the console wars kick into full swing yet again, after the announcement of the PS4. However this could relate to practically any argument in gaming, including whether or not Journey is overrated as a game, whether or not Mass Effect 3 had a bad ending, whether or not Max Payne 3 was harmful or beneficial to the series, and so on.
Once again, it’s okay to have your opinion and by all means share it, but for the love of gaming, do so with at least a modicum of respect for those with whom you are sharing said opinions.
Everyone on the internet has an opinion.
So yours is but a drop in the ocean. Stop treating it as if it is the golden fleece of opinions, and there is no better to be found in this universe. This happens far too often.
Now I know this might sound like something of a rant and a cry at people who have opinions but I am not that sort of person who will simply bitch and moan about things. That’s my column. Instead, I want to try and help you all in not just handling the opinions of others better, but getting yours across without too much fuss.
Hopefully.
A few months ago I picked up and read a book that was completely out of my comfort zone, entitled How To Win Friends And Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. While I’ve always been good at getting my way and my affinity for words is second to a select few, and of course I never saw the need for a book of the ‘self-help’ nature as this one was, I did find a few very helpful tips or tricks to dealing with situations. And having tried these out in actual conversations, I have verifiable proof that they actually work. So let’s go.
1. Try and see things from the other person’s perspective.
You know, this should just be obvious. A little empathy on your part can go a long way towards making you a better human being. Unfortunately on the internet when we type out words, we are essentially in a two-way monologue with ourselves and that results in a far harsher dialect than if we were to speak to someone in person. As a result, a lot of conversations over the internet end up being a bit more direct, with a bit less courtesy.
This needs to stop.
Stop reading your words as if they are your constant magnum opus and start looking at them as a genuine response to another human being whom you may assume is willing to be civil with you. If they are a troll then you ought not to be responding to them in the first place (never feed the trolls) but if they are genuinely debating with you over something, then that smug sense of pseudo-superiority you feel when you share some choice words with the other person is not going to help anything at all.
Read what they’ve said, try and look at it from their perspective, and really think about how you would feel if you were in their shoes. Within reason, of course. I for example cannot for a moment, imagine being in Brad Pitt’s shoes as he fucked Angeline Jolie for the second time that night. But I can imagine someone not taking towards a game that I thoroughly enjoyed, because I have been that person in other situations.
Try to see things from the perspective of the other person. Really try.
2. If you want to win people to your way of thinking, then never force your opinion but rather make suggestions.
There’s two ways to go about doing this which I have found to be quite effective. Assuming you have the first point down and have acknowledged understanding where the other person is coming from, they will already have warmed to what you have to say because typical human courtesy will make them endear towards someone who can empathise with them.
The first way involves simply getting a lot of ‘yes’ questions out of the way. For example, when speaking about the game RAGE. “Do you think it rips off Fallout 3?”; “Do you think it tries to be a darker Borderlands?”; “Did you eventually get over the character animations?”; “At some point did you just want it to end?” Basically ask as many questions as you can think of (disclaimer: a brain is required for thinking) which will grant you “yes” as the answer. Then close with your final statement, “So based on all your answers, would you agree that RAGE is a bad game?” Most people will immediately retort with “no” but won’t really have much of a comeback thereafter, meaning they have just shown that they are acting impulsively and not putting proper thought into their discussion, effectively handing you the argument on a silver platter.
The second way is a bit more in-depth but in my opinion, works far better. It involves making suggestions and presenting the argument as something that you feel the other person can identify with, without being proven wrong. Being proven wrong is, after all, the worst thing that can happen to a person. You wound their pride and throw away any chance you had of winning them over, because you just had to be right. Allow them to have their thoughts, regardless of how incorrect it is, but rather make suggestions. Examples would be, “Okay Dragon Age II isn’t the greatest game but don’t you think that at the time, BioWare were being pushed to release by EA, and there were no better RPGs out for them to really aim for a benchmark?” This way you are not entirely dismissing their opinion, which is bad as it means you show them a discourtesy, even if it’s incorrect, but rather you are showing them where they might have not thought of something. This presents a light-bulb moment in their minds, if done right by you.
We’ll stop there, but I really hope that you all think about how you carry yourselves online. Hiding under anonymity is getting harder and harder and when you can post using your real name on YouTube, it’s just a matter of time before interconnectivity and social media makes it easy to find someone you’ve disagreed with online and beat the living fuck out of them.
Don’t be that guy.
Express your opinions as you please, but allow for the opinions of others as well, and never be above correction. Never. Seriously, you are not as cool as you think. Put down that Monster Energy Drink, son.
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